365 Days

As I sit propped against 2 white pillows, knees tucked under the crisp, clean sheets, shoulders draped by a cozy red throw, my mind goes back to when I allowed myself to think, write, and pray. This is the room where it all began. 

{I'm house sitting where I lived for the first 5 months in TN} 

Full of peace, never lacking in thoughts, always a place of comfort- this room allowed me to break my habits that I had known for years. Long gone was the ability to be busy. God had a perfect plan to break away the comforts of my old life and begin to rebuild me in a way that to this day humbles me. My Nashville parents provided me with a beginning that not too many have the opportunity to experience. Those 3 months allowed me to have an intimacy with the Lord that you can't have any other way than without a job, without a car, and without your community of friends close by.

 I was reading through blogs I had written over the course of this past year and was stunned by one of them. I had written a list of things that I had desired to check off as soon as I made the move to Tennessee. But those were the things that would have clouded my devoted time with the Lord. I didn't know it then, but looking back, I understand why I didn't have the opportunity to draw a big fat line through the things on the list. And the funny thing, that's the way each situation has been- not working the way I initially desired, but unfolding in a way that practically brings me to tears once my eyes are opened to the miraculous plan that has been so intricately designed for me.

I moved without a community, and now I have a growing community that I adore, I moved without a job, and have had the opportunity to have jobs that I can't even begin to describe how much joy they bring- the list is never ending and is always multiplying. 

I have learned that trusting in the Lord is the back bone of living. So often I forget about that major part, and am quickly reminded when everything starts to peel over. Just the other day I was telling someone my story. They responded by saying, 

"God is really at work in your life" 

and all I could think was, my life wouldn't be working with out Him in my life. This past year has been one of the hardest years of my entire life (and I certainly hope they don't get easier) and I have grown tremendously. Whenever I think about why things happened the way they did this past year, I see so clearly that God's hand was there the whole time. . . and why would you want to explain your life to someone without having Him woven through the pages of your story. It makes me so giddy about what trials and adventures I will encounter over the next 12 months, simply so I can continue to see God's handiwork in my life. 

So now I continue on this journey, turning the page to the next chapter. 

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, 

created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

California Farm Girl Memories

Autumn has always been a time for harvest in my life- 

an apparent change in seasons.

There is not another time of year that holds as many memories within.

Squirrels storing walnuts for the winter, constantly communicating with the obnoxious black crows about the big, green John Deer tractor trudging through the orchard

Walnuts gathered and taken to the barn- marking the beginning of the harvesting process, and knowing the time to be sent to Red Diamond was near because you woke to the repetitive sound of the dried walnuts being tossed in huge metal containers

Classic Country tunes (Alan Jackson, Paul Overstreet, Randy Travis, Dixie Chicks, Allison Krauss, Blake Shelton, Travis Tritt...) playing through the static of our new black cassett player/radio while we watched the peacock fan his feathers.

Chickens strutting around the yard, clucking as they search for their newest hidden laying spot.

Pansies colored in every possible shade, laying about the morning shadow of the 400 year old Oak.

Young giddy Girl Scouts competing on who will make the most vote worthy scarecrow.

New shipments of fresh apples arriving constantly, never ceasing to announce their arrival with their distinct aroma.

The all too familiar sound of the wiry metal rake, attempting to grab a hold of the endless supply of tannin filled Oak leaves.

Towering stacks of freshly bundled hay bales, reserving one of the best views of the setting sun over the Walnut trees, quietly disappearing behind the hills not too far off. 

"Morning B" chart on the fridge, waiting to be completed before school was to start at the kitchen table.

Grandparents down for the month, taking their responsibilities to an unreachable level of passion as they led Fall Tours through the Walnut Farm and Nursery.

Weekends full of festivities, caramel apples, puppet shows, macaroni necklace making, hay rides through the orchard, apple tasting, pumpkin gathering, hay maze fun, game playing, petting zoo, pony rides- all the fun a family could have on a brisk day in October. 

Great Grandma's famous apple pie recipe in the oven- metal apple peeler still clamped to the cutting board- one of my favorite pieces in a kitchen! 

And the tradition that still to this day remains only in our family- putting up the Christmas tree on Halloween. (Living on the property of a retail nursery results in the Christmas spirit coming quite early!)

Oh how hard it was to not have any of those memories to live out this year. I guess for me it was always a huge part of my Birthday, since it was smack dab in the middle of all the fun. And when you grow up with all of that around you, it becomes a lifestyle...one that will NEVER be forgotten.

So now I lay in my bunk, on a tour bus, in the middle of Arkansas... Soon to be reuniting with those familiar memories at the end of this tour, not for long, but for just enough time to say a quick hello- a perfect visit. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven."

I'm on a journey...

As I sit in the bus and think back to just 5 weeks ago, I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the journey.

So many friendships formed, 

memories embedded, 

laughter taken advantage of, 

learning experiences to the ends and back - 

overall a wonderful adventure...and just 3 shows left on this tour

 I'm on a journey to find myself, each moment passing, each event adding to my experience. If only I could understand the beauty of the community I have around me. Valued relationships are all around, and all I can do is sit and ponder -

"I'm not good enough"

"I don't deserve that gal as my friend"

"I'm not worth"

NO! It's not true, but why do I continue to believe that?

I've set myself up to fail because I've looked to man for acceptance. Over the past few weeks, I have had the most amazing, godly, and truthful individuals speak into my life - calling me out in some areas, and praising and encouraging me in others. It's one thing to hear it from those around me but a completely different story to believe it in my own heart. A song that remains a constant reminder is one that is played each night on the tour. It talks about being worth it, being valuble, and having purpose.

 . . . Someone Worth Dying For . . .

You might be the wife, waiting up at night
You might be the man, struggling to provide
feeling like it's hopeless
Maybe you're the son who chose a broken road
Maybe you're the girl thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh, God are you listening?

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for

I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, Oh, what everybody's asking

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I want to believe, I want to believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah, I want to believe, Jesus help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for

You're worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah, the cross has proven,
That you're sacred and blameless.
Your life has purpose!
 

You are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see your something beautiful
Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see that
You're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
You gotta believe, you gotta believe
That you are someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for
Someone worth dying for

There couldn't be a better time for this song to be forced upon my ears, heart, and mind. It's such a powerful reminder, and I hope that it brings encouragement along with peace that there is so much more to this life than what the world and society suggests.

I wish it were easy to be blessable, confident, secure, but then I wouldn't be stretched, wouldn't be growing, wouldn't be able to become the woman that God desires me to be. My prayer tonight is that I would leave my doubt of deserving grace at the foot of the cross. Simply asking to have a peace that He truly has made me the way I am for a greater purpose than my own understanding.

Ephesians 2:8-10 (GNT)

"For it is by God's grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but God's gift, so that no one can boast about it. God has made us what we are, and in our union with Christ Jesus he has created us for a life of good deeds, which he has already prepared for us to do."

. . . Calm . . .

There is something about sitting in the dim light, sipping tea, 

and listening to music that calms the soul.

So much is stirring inside of me. In my heart, mind, & soul.

Deep down inside, I believe that the stirring is good - pushing me forward. But for goodness sakes, it's exhausting, challenging, and overall, plain overwhelming! 

It's been an interesting past few weeks, full of:

new experiences, 

new opportunities, 

new challenges.

One month ago I committed to not worrying about the things that are not my responsibility. It amazes me that not even a day after, I was hired as a barista. One week later, I was asked to join the YMCA Team. I wish that I could express every feeling of emotion as I have begun to realize

 God really does have a plan - 

always has...always will! The things that I have experienced recently continue to blow my mind in different ways as I realize just how uniquely they fit together in my crazy life!

But currently, I feel worn to the bone. I'm tired of trying to make things work...and that is when I am reminded that in this moment, I simply need to be calm - still - and wait upon the Lord.

Isaiah 40:29-40 (NKJV)

²⁹ He gives power to the weak,
      And to those who have no might He increases strength.
       ³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
      And the young men shall utterly fall,
       ³¹ But those who wait on the LORD
      Shall renew their strength;
      They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
      They shall run and not be weary,
      They shall walk and not faint.

Stepping out in faith . . .

Funny how God knows what's best . . . 

if I could just (permanently) learn those things called:

  TRUST & GIVING UP CONTROL.

  

. . . . . . . . . . . {Psalm 32:8} . . . . . . . . . . .

"I WILL guide you along the best pathway for YOUR life.

I WILL advise you and watch over you." 

I'm slowly starting to realize the importance of family. The support that only they know how to give, the understanding that only they have. I know there is going to be change in my life- when is there not?! I can either choose to accept it, or try and fight it and be miserable. Over the past 6 months, I have been BLESSED with countless opportunities and individuals who have impacted me in tremendous ways . . . I don't even want to think about how differently things would have gone if I didn't step out in faith and move to Nashville.

I wish I could say:

"I know what's coming!" 

But that has never been the case for me. I will, once again, step out in faith and await my next adventure on this journey, whatever and wherever that may be. The only thing I know is that "I will follow" as I sing aloud the lyrics of one of my favorite worship songs by Chris Tomlin . . .

"Where you go I'll go, 

where you stay I'll stay. 

When you move I'll move. 

I will follow you."

Submitting Once Again

I woke unusually early this morning, and this song was so fitting.

I have so many dreams, so many goals, so many passions. 

 Just thinking about how God can use a sinner like me is simply amazing! 

Sometimes I get caught up in what I need to do next, instead of fully allowing God to orchestrate my life. So often, but not nearly enough, I am reminded of just how small my little life is. Unfortunately, it's a regular occurrence where I forget the fact that God doesn't need me- He wants me and wants to use me- but I am in no way entitled to the blessing of being used. So today I go back to the reality that I need to submit, yet again, all of my worries, dreams, and overall life back to Him.

Psalm 119:169-176 (MSG)

 ^169-176 Let my cry come right into your presence, God;
      provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word.
   Give my request your personal attention,
      rescue me on the terms of your promise.
   Let praise cascade off my lips;
      after all, you've taught me the truth about life!
   And let your promises ring from my tongue;
      every order you've given is right.
   Put your hand out and steady me
      since I've chosen to live by your counsel.
   I'm homesick, God, for your salvation;
      I love it when you show yourself!
   Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well,
      use your decrees to put iron in my soul.
   And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me!
      I'll recognize the sound of your voice. 

One sentence at a time

I don't really know what I'm writing, but I know that I need to write and process. So I pray that God would give me words to speak, not only for my own desire to process, but to also be an encouragement.

It's the simple things in life that I absolutely love- sitting outside listening to the birds chirp their little hearts out across the tree tops, watching young squirrels chase each other down in the yard without a worry or plan, and the subtle lightening bugs practicing in the dusk ligh for their late night rave. But it's these kind of days where the emotions are raw, the stress is high, and peace is in reach. This is where reality becomes clear that even when you choose to be joyful, it's not always easy.

I keep getting lost in the thoughts, the memories, the stories of the past several months. It's these rocky moments when I am aware of where I came from, knowing that I don't really know where I'm going. I bought a one way ticket here, but what does that mean comes next on this journey. The journey is where I learn, where I stumble and fall, where I cry, where I ask "why?"...but also where I smile, where I roll on the floor in laughter, where I rejoice, where I KNOW that I am going to be all right.

So much is up in the air, but when does God say that everything needs to be resting comfortably on the ground? Who knows what is on the next page of this crazy chapter, but all I can do is read one sentence at a time.

Matthew 6:33-35 (MSG)

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Weeds of Life

 

I spent part of the day yesterday pulling unruly and unwanted weeds from the grass (or lack there of). There was a section of the lawn that was just screaming for help. The few week old seeds were being choked by the overpowering weeds. As I loosened and pulled the tangled plants from the moist soil, I began to see weeding in a different way.

At first I didn't have hope that the grass seeds were growing, but after doing a little investigating, I found little sprouts hidden under matted dead roots and entangled weeds. Our lives have the opportunity to grow and prosper. We can produce fruit and love, but sometimes there are other things that overpower those forming habits. I think that if we were to spend time doing a little bit of maintenance - while still nursing those baby habits - our lives could be used for a much bigger purpose.

Sometimes when we are cleaning out the old matted roots, and tugging the unruly weeds, we pull up some of the new growth. Just like in life, when we start sorting through the root of old habits, sometimes we fall back into the same old patterns, resulting in us having to start from scratch all over again. But thank God for second chances, right?!

After all the weeds were tossed in the trash, grass seed was tossed on the fertile soil. They all have a chance to cover the bare dirt with fresh, vibrant, and lush grass. It just needs the opportunity and resources to thrive.

And I'm sure, once that patch is beautiful, there will be another area that needs maintenance. It's a never ending process, but if it isn't taken care of and nurtured properly, all of the grass will get choked up by the deceptive weeds. The ugly unwanted plants look green and lush, spreading so nicely about the soil - but the damage it is doing under the surface is deadly. Sin likes to be sneaky, trying hard to blend in. But it's ruining what is left of the healthy, maturing grass - preventing anything from surviving. I think I'm at a place where I need to analyze (or should I say, allow God to show me) what in my life are weeds, and what areas I need to start cultivating so that I can encourage those little seedlings to grow and mature, rather than be swallowed up by the deceiving weeds.

Once those little seeds have pushed up through the soil and reached out for life, they have to be cared for and nurtured. We as humans, Christians, sinners, need support as we continue to grow. It doesn't happen overnight, and we certainly can't do it on our own. Seeds don't just sprout - they need water, food, and light. And sometimes, it takes a few tries to get a successful crop with the right balance of each resource, but you can't get any success without planting it in the first place.

Luke 8

". . . This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God . . ."

Galatians 6:7-8

^7-8Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. 

 ...

Valley Between Two Hills

I always dislike the feeling of trying to stop myself as I am gaining speed coming down a hill - getting to a point where my legs can't and won't move at the frightening speed I'm traveling! Why is the phrase "It's all down hill from here" used in a positive way? It's simply a faceplant waiting to happen! Just when I feel like I am steadying my stride, there is a change in pace.

The job that I desired finally comes along,
then I am stuck wondering "where to next."

I get started on a role of doing my morning devotion, 

then I don't have the passion anymore.

I finally meet and am surrounded by amazing, fun, and accepting people, 

then I dwell in the lies and insecurities that I thought were long gone.

What's wrong with me?

Is it really that hard to simply be content?

Either I'm trudging up a hill, or I'm falling down on the other side. In both circumstances, I am in need of someone there holding my hand, reassuring me that I'm NEVER alone.

Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid, because I am with you.
Don’t be intimidated; I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
I will help you.
I will support you with my victorious right hand.

Each and every day, I have to choose whether or not I'm going to trust and KNOW that God has a plan, or if I'm going to worry that I don't know what's ahead. Looking from an outsider's perspective it seems like such an easy decision to make, but why in the world do some people (especially myself) get caught up in worrying!?

Philippians 4:6-7

Don’t worry about anything; 

instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need, 

and thank him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God’s peace, 

which exceeds anything we can understand. 

His peace will guard your hearts and minds 

as you live in Christ Jesus.

A Daily Choice

 .

This week has been full of

discovering, thinking, and conviction

 .

As I sit and write, I can't help but notice the simple blessings I have around me. The "popcorn" trees morphing into lush green foliage, the feeling of the cool breeze as it gently blows through the sheer curtain framing the window, and the sound of the bright red cardinal as they rejoice in the day they have been given.

 

Two weeks ago, I sat in this same place, wondering,

"Why am I here?"

Am I ever going to get a job?"

Did I make a mistake in coming?"

What is my purpose in being here...?"  

What in the world was I thinking moving across the country?"

 

 

But today is different. I know I'm here for a reason. I am confident that God is going to use me in ways that I can't even imagine. I have a choice to respond when God calls me to serve. All too often I look over the opportunities and then wonder why God isn't using me. Maybe he's trying, but I'm just to wrapped up in myself to realize.

 

Throughout the past week, I've been thinking about God's timing. It's been so hard trying to balance the desire for a job, and then being available for those around me who are suffering. As I wait for that one email that could change my future, I wonder if this is the time to take a job. In my head I had a plan of what I thought my job would be like, but God may show me another route that will take me further than I ever thought possible.

 

Joseph Campbell said,

.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,

so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

.

I feel that sometimes we get so caught up in "THE JOB", or "THE MONEY" when we should be having faith that God will provide.

 

It's amazing how often I am reminded that there is a bigger purpose for my life than just "existing". Constantly, I am searching for how I can be used. I get frustrated when a job doesn't go through...but why? As I look back at all the doors that I wanted to walk through, I realize how different my life would be if I had. There is no way I would be where I'm at, waiting to hear back on an amazing job opportunity. Yes, I worry about the reality that this too may not be the job. But I would hate to look back months from now and see how I didn't allow God to work in my life.

 

I don't have the ability to see the whole picture. I'm still learning to trust that God's plan for me is far more intricately designed than I could ever imagine. So now, finally, I can go on throughout my day, trusting, knowing that I will be taken care of- even if it's not the way I imagined, because I have chosen to have faith and commit to HIS way. But I also realize that each morning, I have the choice to live in my own little world, or to trust that God will act.

 

Today I choose to trust that God will open doors in his timing.

 

"Commit your way to the LORD;

trust in him, and he will act."

{Psalm 37:5}

 

Comfortable as a duck in a row

Comfort is something everyone craves.

• comfort food,
• comfortable beds,
• the comfort of a close friend....

Then there's the feeling of being uncomfortable.

• uncomfortable within a situation,
• the feeling of sleeping on the floor, 
• the sound of an empty stomach.... 

So is comfort something that we NEED?

 
Back in Cali, I was comfortable. I had my weekly, daily, and hourly routine managed to a tee. My ducks were in a row, and no one could maneuver them but me. And of course there were baby ducklings added on every once in a while, and soon the little ones grew and matured- and then so did my schedule. Little commitments began to multiply and overwhelm my already packed life. But my ducks couldn't be drowned. I was stuck in the horror of being comfortable.

It's frustrating when we feel like we NEED to be comfortable, and then we don't allow God to move in our lives. We put ourselves in a place to comfort ourselves, rather than having faith to allow the Comforter to comfort us. 

 

When I think of comfort, or lack there of, it reminds me of the Apostle Paul. His life changed when he committed his life to Christ. It wasn't just a subtle change, he was put in prison for preaching about Jesus Christ. He wrote letters while he was in chains. It didn't matter to him if he was comfortable or not. He continued to preach the Gospel. He turned his situation into a blessing for the hurting and the lost. Sometimes we feel that our pain is not fair, we don't understand why horrible things happen to us. To be a light in such a dark situation, it takes a faith in a God that has all the comfort in the world.

 

So if Paul can love and be a light from inside prison walls, why can't I do it on an everyday basis? It took me a move across the country to get out of my comfort zone, what will it take for you to get out of yours and start being an intentional light to those around you?

 

{1 John 2:15-17}

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you,

for when you love the world, you do not have the

love of the Father in you. For the world offers

only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for

everything we see, and pride in our achievements

and possessions. These are not from the Father,

but are from this world. And this world is fading

away, along with everything that people crave. But

anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

 

Get out of your comfort zone,

and allow the Comforter to work within.

 

Shower Phase of Life

This whole week I've been having a little inner fight with myself. It's nothing new, most of the time I can cover it up, push it down deep, and ignore it...and that's where there's been conviction this week. Why do I feel like I need to conceal or hide it? I have a Healer who knows my every thought, and for some reason I still feel like I'm alone in this struggle.

The struggle you ask?

 d

The  fear  of  being........alone

d 

Yes, people constantly tell me, "You will never need to worry about that!" and "Some guy is going to be so blessed to have you!"...the list goes on, but here's the problem- no matter what people say, I can't believe it. I WANT to believe it but I feel like they are just saying it to comfort me, to simply hide the truth that I don't deserve that "special someone".

One simple little thought can put me in a tail spin and knock me flat on the ground. The anxiety, fear, and insecurities that consume me in that whirlwind LOVE to leave me leave me dangling, at the end of my rope, hanging on for (what feels like) dear life.

So how am I going to fix my flawed little perspective? Good question! There is one constant thing I turn to for encouragement, Scripture. It's overwhelming how many verses there are that offer peace - far too many to list. But here are a few that have encouraged me recently:

  

"Be joyful ALWAYS; pray CONTINUALLY;

give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is

God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

{1 Thessalonians 5:16-18}

a

"For I know the plans I have for you,"

declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and

not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

{Jeremiah 29:11}

a

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"

{Philippians 4:13}

a

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do, and

He will show you which path to take."

{Proverbs 3:5-6}

a

"I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.

I will advise you and watch over you."

{Psalm 32:8}

I know I'm not alone in this battle because of the numerous articles writing on this topic of being alone. I've realized though, that this time of being alone is valuable.

As a close friend ingeniously put it:

"You’d never want a guy to come over early for a date and you be in the shower. You’re in the shower of your life right now. Take the time to get ready and then God will have a guy knocking on your door when you least expect it."

This is such a true statement! And for some reason I always manage to freak out that I'm not in the same place in life as those around me. This is my weakness, and thank goodness God is walking along side me!

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about being in my "shower phase". If I don't set time aside now to ready myself for my date, then I haven't done my part and the date night (my future) isn't all it could be because I didn't take advantage of my time to get ready.

This is my time to become confident in Christ. I want to become healthy spiritually so I can bare fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I want to continue to learn to love like Christ loves. It's definitely going to be a challenge, but I'm ready for it!

As for now, I am not alone! God is constantly teaching me that HE is who I should be focusing on. My relationship with Him is what matters most. I believe that HE IS ALL I NEED, and HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME.

This song has appeared several times this past month, and it's just now that I'm realising the significance behind it. It's a reminder that I will never be alone.   

♫ "I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus You're all I need" ♫

I pray that you discover the peace of knowing that

you are NEVER ALONE!

Love is...

 

z

{. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 .}

z

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

For the past 24 hours, I have been meditating on what "Love is". If God is Love, and we as Christians are called to be "Christlike", then shouldn't these characteristics of love be overwhelmingly present in our lives?

So many times I find myself dwelling on how an individual wronged me, sometimes feeling jealous towards someone, or just not joyful. I'm slowly realizing how much effort I have to put into changing the way I think and live my life. It's not going to happen overnight, and it's definitely not going to be easy.

I have been blessed with several mentors that have encouraged me, prayed with me, and supported me over the past few years. As I look at how they live out their lives, I begin to see a pattern. They know what {LOVE} really means. They have a love that runs so deep withing that it's unhuman like. I desire to live a life like them, having a positive outlook on life, always willing to serve, and being an encouragement to each individual I come in contact with.

They didn't just magically get to that place in their life where they could give up so much of their time and self. They spent time on their knees seeking God's will for their life, allowing others to invest in their life, while also investing in their marriage and their relationship with Christ. They are true Proverbs 31 women. I'm only starting my journey on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. 
 
Each day, I'm shown just how minuet and un thought out my plans are. I really have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what's on the horizon, but I have a hope and a trust that only comes from above. Now I need to be the one to take the first step and learn from the one who knows it best.

Just like in the movie, Julie and Julia, Julie learns to cook from the master, Julia Child, the one who knows it all. Shouldn't we be seeking help on how to live a godly life from the Creator? Yes, there are books and mentors who can help along the way...but shouldn't our main guidance be from the one who knows it ALL? I want to learn to love from the God who IS Love, and I want to learn how to be a Proverbs 31 woman from the Creator.

All I can do is seek, pray, and allow HIM to work within

me, preparing me for HIS amazing plan.

Patience of a remote control

"Patience is a virtue" Ugh, I hate that phrase!!!

Or, maybe I hate that I need more of it... 

 

I've always used an analogy for my patience, or should I say lack there of. You know when you start a movie and have the opportunity to select a scene on the menu? Well let me just tell you how amazing my life would be if I had that! I would love to be able to go and take a sneak peak on where I would be in my life in say, 5 years. Wouldn't that be amazing if you could just skip or fast forward through a rough time? Or pause or even rewind when something amazing happens?? (I've had this view long before the movie "Click", I think they stole it from me ;))

 

Now let me clue you in on a few things that never crossed my mind that would require patience. I have no idea where I dreamed up what I thought was a no brainer check off list to complete in less than a month...

1. Buy a car,
2. Find a job
3. Make new friends (my age/stage of life)
4. Get connected in a Community Group
5. Rent an apartment/place to live
6. ........
7. ........

Funny how EVERYTHING on that list is still unchecked... maybe God's showing me that I don't really know what I'm talking about, that I don't really know what's best for me? I guess I still need to learn about that thing called "letting go, and letting God". But then that thing called patience comes back into play. I'm not patient enough to just sit and give up my control. I want things to go my way, after all, I know best, right???

Hmmm...NOPE, definitely not.

 

I went from working 3 jobs, being a youth leader and full time student...then I moved...

BAM!!!!

It's like I'm starting all over again. I have a wonderful and amazing support system here as well as family and friends back in California. Goodness, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, which is probably a good thing or I wouldn't have trusted that God had a plan.

 

Now that I'm here, I wouldn't change a thing! Everything that I've gone through has brought me here. It is very hard being in this place right now, but the cool thing is that I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be, even if it isn't easy. It's encouraging to know that there are people who have walked the same walk. Actually, there are so many people that I know and run into here that moved from California. They all have a similar story, similar feelings, and a similar outlook on life. I just wish that things could speed up and that I could start crossing things of my list already! ...and there it is again! I'm brought back to that thought that "I (still) DON'T have it under control!"  That's where I'm going to stop, and be S.T.I.L.L..............

 

"Be still in the presence of the Lord,

and wait patiently for him to act..."

...{Psalm 37:7}...

 

It takes a child

Something became quite clear this morning as I sat and played with "Batman", a bright playful 3 year old who I get to hangout with weekly.

When I first met "Batman", you could see the frustration creep across his face as he would try to explain something, but it was near impossible to understand. He knew you didn't understand if you would asked him to repeat what he had just said. Then one day last week he told me that it was "is khweer owesite" (clear outside). I had a difficult time figuring out what he was trying to tell me. He caught on that I didn't understand, walked to the window, and started explaining that there's no rain, and the sun's shining. He knew that what he had said the first time didn't make since to me, so he tried a different approach.

Today it happened once again. He was introducing me to his stuffed horse. He said the name and I tried really hard to make it out. Before I could ask him to say it again he ran to his toy box. In my head I'm thinking, "Gosh, that's not like him, he must be really frustraded with me if he's going to dart out of the room!" Before I knew it, he was back with a toy car in hand. I then began to see what his little brain was up to. He lifted the bottom of the car up towards my face. I leaned down to read what his little finger was pointing at. The name of the car was "Lightning". All of a sudden it clicked, the name of his horse was Lightning! He knew that no mater how hard he tried to pronounce the name, I wouldn't have the ability to hear it the way he wanted me to. He had a plan to teach me the name in a new way, and it worked.

That's when it hit me. God tries to guide us and speak to us, but sometimes our senses aren't trained to understand it. He has to approach new ways of getting our attention, and even then, we may not listen to what He is saying. It took little "Batman" to show me that maybe I need to be a little more attentive. God could be showing me that He's opening a door, but I choose to be oblivious, then it takes something a little more deliberate and straight forward for me to understand.

{Matthew 13:12-17}

"To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given, and they will have an abundance of knowledge. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them. That is why I use these parables, for they look, but they don't really see. They hear, but they don't really listen or understand. This fulfills the prophecy of Isaiah that says,

  ‘When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend. For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes—so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.’

But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears; because they hear. I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, but they didn't see it. And the longed to hear what you hear, but they didn't hear it."

This is my prayer today;

that my eyes would see & my ears would hear.

Content as an Antique

Today I had the opportunity to attend an antique show. Little did I know the depth of such a simple question dancing around in my head as I walked through the show. "Where does the value in an antique come from?" Now I'm left with more questions and a desire to know more. As I walked through the show, I noticed how much hard work and craftsmanship was put into each unique piece. Constant thoughts subconsciously spun in my head:

 

"Is my generation going to leave something

of value for use in the future?"

 

"How can we feel comfortable underpaying

factory workers in foreign countries for

the newest style or technology?" 

 

"What happened to the families that were glued

together with their faith, love, and values that resulted in discontentment and wastefulness?"

 

It's sickening to see how far we've come from the days where our great grandparents treasured life and valued what really mattered. Maybe it's the technology that has taken us from being content to being distracted and distant. Don't get me wrong, I know there are still those amazing families out there today that have their feet on the right path. And I also know that not all past generations had those values...but all in all, this generation just isn't like past ones, we always seem to be looking for something more.

 

So why IS an antique so valuable? Maybe because of the secrets it keeps. Maybe the sweat and tears poured into it. Or maybe just the fact that we have something to hold onto, a hope that we can have the content lifestyle like the generations before us. There is value tied to an antique not just because of it's age, but because of what it meant to the beholder. I know I want what they had. A life where I am content with what I have, an overflowing faith, and a support system of loved ones surrounding me. The past generations have left an outstanding legacy, now it's my turn to make a decision.

 

• Will you decide to be content?
• Or will you allow yourself to get swallowed up in the world's way of doing things?

 

"Keep your lives free from the love of money

and be content with what you have."

...{Hebrews 13:5}...

Just the beginning...

Well, I've always had it in the back of my mind to start a blog...no that's a lie. I've never thought of the starting process, just somewhat of the finished product. But maybe that makes sense since my top strength is Futuristic. Now the Activator in me is taking charge! So let's get started shall we?

Just a few months ago I traveled here to Nashville to help out with a benefit concert for a friend, Emmett, who is battling Esophageal Cancer. And just a shy 6 months later, here I am, a Tennessee resident for 2 months!

The dream started over 5 years ago when I had the opportunity to serve as a concert merch volunteer at Cornerstone Fellowship. From the beginning, I knew that I had a passion for selling merch. I loved the atmosphere and the interactions with the fans, band members, and other individuals who I worked along side. However, I never knew that it would be more than just a dream. So ever since that first visit in August of 2010, I knew that God had much bigger plans than I could ever dream up. Now after 2 separate visits to TN, a ton of support from friends & family, and a faith in the God that holds the universe, I'm home in Tennessee!

With doors continually opening and closing, this is simply the beginning of it all!

"I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you."
{Psalm 32:8}